I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
