Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
