the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
