You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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