bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
