I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
