Ambien. No doubt about it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
