mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
