Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
