My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
