I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
