woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
