I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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