it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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