R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
