Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
