I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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