Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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