Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
