i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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