Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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