4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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