apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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