DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So vagazzling was a success
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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