I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
