Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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