he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
high people should be assigned attendants
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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