STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
