Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
