Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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