No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
