This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
