Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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