Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
