I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
