JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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