I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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