im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
