I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
