I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
