two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize