I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
