I heard we made out
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
