he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
