Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
