I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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