You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
