Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
