like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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