I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
