She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
