he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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