I need help removing her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
