Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
