I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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