Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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