goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
