I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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