escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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