The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
