Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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