She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
